Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Day 3

She said I'm only allowed to have the file for three days.

It is day three. 

I don't want to give up what is all I've ever known of my sister. If I return the file and I'm not allowed to see her I don't know what I will do. 

All I have seen is a baby picture and a picture where she could not have been more than 4. 

I sit in my apartment re-reading the file for the millionth time. I know it won't change but it is the only thing that connects me to her.

 I've always wanted a sibling and now that I know of mine...well why shouldn't I be able to know all about her?

I sit for another 45 minutes and then realize that the asylum will be closing in an hour. If I don't leave soon, I wont be able to return the file. 

I grab my old bag and my key to the apartment. Jackie's ears perk up from where she is sitting on the couch but she doesn't move. 

Today was going to be my lazy day but of course that doesn't exist in the life of a graduate student. 

The sun is shinning and I can feel the warmth running down my spine, nice welcoming from the cold apartment. I feel a slight breeze as I walk down the street towards the insane asylum.

 I pass by so many stores and restaurants but all are a blur as I try to visualize the file in my mind. 

Before I realize it I am in front of the doors to the asylum. Taking a deep breath, I walk in. There seated at the desk is Gretchen Villous. 

 She doesn't really smile at me but sort of acknowledges my presence. I don't think I would be able to smile at people on a daily basis while working in such a delicate yet sterile environment. 

I walk up to her desk and re-introduce myself. She stops me in mid sentence and says," I remember you. I don't give out files to just anyone. I could tell you were truthful and needed more information." she sighed and then asked, "Did you find anything new or interesting?" as if learning about my sister was some type of middle school project.

" I defiantly did not know the majority of the content in here." I said, attempt ing to refrain from sounding rude due to my annoyance with her previous comment. But I guess to her, my sister is just another patient...

I stood there for a moment while she put the file back gathering up the courage to ask if I could now visit my sister. It was not that I was afraid to ask, it was more of the fear of being rejected this opportunity. 

After her return she looked at me and her next response startled me. She smiled and said, "Well come on back!" 

She disappeared behind a set of double doors while I stood there idiotically until I realized I needed to move my feet to follow her. 

I walked over to the doors and pressed my hand up against them wondering what lay beyond. 

I was wrong. Waiting was not the hardest or scariest part. It was the actual walk into the unknown.