Monday, April 13, 2015

Asylum: Reality or overdone movies?

As I followed this woman through the halls, I passed by white rooms lining the walls.

The asylum was just as I had dreamt. Well, maybe not exactly the same. Reality seems cheerier or at least less horror movie-esk.

As we turn more and more corners I begin to remember the first full day I had access to Lexi's file...

It was warm and sunny. I went for a stroll through the town and ventured into an area that I had never been before with a strawberry popsicle in hand.

There was a park with green grass and trees in which I preceded to head towards and bench to sit down  but then thought better of it a plopped down in the grass.

Lying down on my stomach, I kick my feet up in the air and rest my chin on my hands.

I peel open the file for the thirtieth time since last night it was probably read at least 12 times.

Fingering through the familiar papers I pull out the notes from one doctor who was listing options of treatment. Some I was familiar with, but others sounded like medieval torture.

After about half an hour, I flipped onto my back closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face and quickly dosed off, hugging the file close to my chest.

I imagined myself as a patient in the asylum screaming and kicking away from all the torture devices. This only made the doctors attempt to "cure me" even further.

I knew that if I gave in and was restrained I would never be freed again.

It was not as if I was crazy, but if I remained calm, they would torture me to insanity. Faking insanity was better than actually going insane.

Insanity is the only escape.

I woke up on the grass rolling around with the file, papers flying everywhere...

That particular dream was all I could think about while winding through the halls of the insane asylum.

There were an abnormally large amount of elderly people roaming the halls, which was a surprise to me.

Accidentally bumping into one elderly lady caused me to come back to reality from my terrifying memory of my dream filled with weird Frankenstein-like torture objects.

While apologizing to the elderly women, a not so elderly women ran right through us with an irritated look.

She grunted in what I would like to interpret as a surly apology.

I looked ahead of me in just enough time to see the woman at the counter go around another white wall and I raced to catch up with her...

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Day 3

She said I'm only allowed to have the file for three days.

It is day three. 

I don't want to give up what is all I've ever known of my sister. If I return the file and I'm not allowed to see her I don't know what I will do. 

All I have seen is a baby picture and a picture where she could not have been more than 4. 

I sit in my apartment re-reading the file for the millionth time. I know it won't change but it is the only thing that connects me to her.

 I've always wanted a sibling and now that I know of mine...well why shouldn't I be able to know all about her?

I sit for another 45 minutes and then realize that the asylum will be closing in an hour. If I don't leave soon, I wont be able to return the file. 

I grab my old bag and my key to the apartment. Jackie's ears perk up from where she is sitting on the couch but she doesn't move. 

Today was going to be my lazy day but of course that doesn't exist in the life of a graduate student. 

The sun is shinning and I can feel the warmth running down my spine, nice welcoming from the cold apartment. I feel a slight breeze as I walk down the street towards the insane asylum.

 I pass by so many stores and restaurants but all are a blur as I try to visualize the file in my mind. 

Before I realize it I am in front of the doors to the asylum. Taking a deep breath, I walk in. There seated at the desk is Gretchen Villous. 

 She doesn't really smile at me but sort of acknowledges my presence. I don't think I would be able to smile at people on a daily basis while working in such a delicate yet sterile environment. 

I walk up to her desk and re-introduce myself. She stops me in mid sentence and says," I remember you. I don't give out files to just anyone. I could tell you were truthful and needed more information." she sighed and then asked, "Did you find anything new or interesting?" as if learning about my sister was some type of middle school project.

" I defiantly did not know the majority of the content in here." I said, attempt ing to refrain from sounding rude due to my annoyance with her previous comment. But I guess to her, my sister is just another patient...

I stood there for a moment while she put the file back gathering up the courage to ask if I could now visit my sister. It was not that I was afraid to ask, it was more of the fear of being rejected this opportunity. 

After her return she looked at me and her next response startled me. She smiled and said, "Well come on back!" 

She disappeared behind a set of double doors while I stood there idiotically until I realized I needed to move my feet to follow her. 

I walked over to the doors and pressed my hand up against them wondering what lay beyond. 

I was wrong. Waiting was not the hardest or scariest part. It was the actual walk into the unknown. 

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Not The End.

Today is the day.

I finally get to go visit my lost sister.

I've been investigating her existence ever since my parents told me of her. She has moved around from asylum to asylum mainly where ever our family has been.

After I located her on the inter-webs, I searched in greater depth in the country records for each city my family had moved to over the years.

She was described as quite and normal, but lacked social skills and the ability to comprehend any form of language.

I wanted to meet her and I knew for a fact that she was only a few blocks away.

I grabbed my bag and attempted to walk out of my apartment calmly. I practically raced down the stairs and out the door.

I still couldn't believe today was the day.

After walking past the retirement home and the children's home I saw the asylum creepily looming over me. Pausing for a second and taking a deep breath, I walked inside.

There was no line at the front desk. A cranky lady asked me my purpose and I explained to her that I was here to meet my sister for the first time.

"Her name is Lexi. Lexi Star."

The woman walked away and I heard her flip through some filing cabinets. I noticed a name plate on her desk. It read "Gretchen Villous".

Gretchen Villous came out from the cabinets and set a large stack of files down in front of me. She informed me that I could have the files for a three days and then I needed to return them.

I didn't understand why I needed the files, though I was mildly curious to see what other information they contained about Lexi.

I asked her what room I could find Lexi in. That is when the lady began to look somber.

She said " you're not allowed to meet with Lexi today"

I asked why but she just mumbled and walked away.

I was tempted to go on an adventure in the insane asylum and locate my sister. The only problem was... I didn't know what she looked like.

I settled for the papers. I would read them through and through. Memorize every section and know as much as I could about my little sister.

But this was not the end. I would return.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

An Innocent Fire

I could smell the fires before I saw them.

 The dirt swirled through the air as I stepped out of the Dreamwood lobby. I began walking towards the fountain in the middle of the street.

There was a fire, but many people were huddled around it, so I continued walking. I walked around for a solid thirty minutes ambling about the streets.

 Finally, I noticed a fire that stood by itself. I walked over and sat next to it watching the smoke blow away, up into the night sky.

 I slowly began to drift off into a haze of thought... though the fire did have a strange smell...similar to when they found drugs in the chemistry room at my high school. But who would put weed in a fire?

Well, I felt pretty good...make that really good, so there must not be a problem. As I sat on the cold ground, I pondered how to contact my "new" sibling.

I began thinking about the yellow pages and government records, but after a little while my thoughts became slightly more hmmmm adventurous. If I was related to this person, we had a special bond right? Which totally meant we could read each other's mind. I knew exactly the way to contact my long lost sibling. I would send him/her a spiritual dance.

They would see it in their dreams and understand. I stood up feeling rather cold. I began slowly to move my arms around. I heard drums playing and begun to see colors swirling through the air.

 I began to dance to the beat sending the message to my sibling that I was here and that they could come find me. The flames began to rise and as I went around and around the fire I felt cold each time I danced through a certain patch of air.

To fix this problem, I decided just to leap over the air. I could see the blue coming from its coldness.

 I stopped dancing after a while and looked up at the sky. Then I began to feel tiredness spreading all over my body until I was barley standing up.

 A woman came up to me a said something about a child I would find.

It must have been my spirit god telling me that my message had beed sent to my sibling.

This is a good sign.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Something missing? -apartment 315

I woke up to a massive headache.

I knew the city could kick your butt, but I didn't really know how bad. Last night was a blur. I remember getting on a bus, dressed to the nines, ready to go and hit the clubs. I remember standing on line for a little while and then finally walking into a large room filled with people.

 After being offered a jello-shot, I only can recall a blur of colors. As I begin to rise from my bed, I feel the remanence of last night's quality decisions sloshing around in my stomach, threatening to be let loose.

 I walk out into the kitchen and see that the front door is slightly ajar. My heels and my bag are scattered next to the table near the door. Jackie's dog bowl is flipped upside down in the middle of the room as well, signaling to me that she is hungry.

Then, at that second, the apartment and Jackie did not matter anymore. I felt my stomach charring, ready to remind me of my "night to remember".

I grabbed my crappy waste basket and lie down on my bed, hoping that the sickness would subside. After about a half an hour, I fell into a sleep induced coma. I dreamt that I had already become a doctor and that Jackie had a personal dog feeder.

I imagined that I grew up with several brothers and sisters and that my parents hadn't informed me of the existence of a sibling until a few weeks ago. It was a blissful dream.

 Eventually I was re-awoken by my growling stomach. As I went to the fridge to get substance, I remembered Jackie. The poor girl must be hungry.

 I went to scoop her a bowl of food, but she didn't come running immediately. Normally just the sound of me walking around makes her hyper and bouncing off the walls of the apartment.

I began calling her name...she wasn't anywhere to be found. Okay, calm down. Jackie is not Mitzy. It will be okay. she did not run off, and there isn't that much traffic here around Dreamwood to pass through...I ran down the stairs screaming her name out. "Jackie!!!!!!"

 I knew I could get kicked out if someone figured out what I was really calling for but I did not care.

This would not happen again.

I ran out the lobby's front doors and was looking around frantically. I smelled meat cooking. If I were a dog, that is where I would go.

I ran down the street to the nearest restaurant. I came barreling through the door and asked of they had seen a mid-size dog running around.

 A women cam out of the kitchen right as I entered. She smiled at me and motioned for me to follow her. As I scrambled through the tables and chairs, all I could think about was that this better be Jackie, and she better be alive...

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Moments of Diamond or Zirconium?

I woke up to the sun shining through the window onto my face. After a stressful week, I have finally gotten a chance to relax.

When I finished my breakfast, feeding Jackie and showering, I began cleaning the apartment to prepare for my parent's arrival. First the dishes off the table, then vacuuming of the carpets and finally the wiping down the kitchen. Everything looked spick and span.

As the last pillow was being straightened, the doorbell rang. I scrambled to open it, fumbling with the lock. I opened the door to see my parents for the first time in 3 months!

I showed them around my apartment as well as told them about my hectic life in this newish town. After talking to them in my living room for several hours, we went down the street to the pancake house.

I felt like I was 5 again, going out to eat with my parents for fun.As I gave them a tour of the town, we passed by the bookstore. A weird man was looking out the window staring at us longingly.

 My mother, a book fanatic, wanted to rush in and discuss his writing with him. My dad and I, already knowing what was running through her mind, steered her away from the store and back towards the apartment.

As we walked by the fountain, we noticed a mom pulling her son out of the fountain. My parents and I begun to laugh, knowing that  I had pulled a similar stunt when I was younger as well.

As we were walking across the street, a large truck drove up and barely stopped a foot from us, lurching a bit too close for comfort.

After regaining our poise, we walked back onto the sidewalk and into the apartment. As we were opening the door, Magdalene Kitch came storming out, glaring at me as if I had just broken something important of hers.

After a snarky comment from my father under his breath, we went inside, up the backstairs, to my apartment door. We sat back down in the living room. My parents gave me this look as if I was my 10 year old self again and needed things explained to me as simplistically as possible.

 It was not like I was 24 and in medical school...They began by using the stereotypical phrase, "We need to tell you something". Well, this is great. Right after my life is becoming somewhat normal again, they are about to drop a bomb.

My father took in a deep breath and said, "you have a younger sibling".

After about a minute of silence, all I could ask was, "Where are they?"

At the same moment my dad opened his mouth to answer, we heard screaming coming from outside. Looking out the window we saw meteors crossing the sky.

We ran outside to get a better look. Standing in the middle of the street together, I knew my life was about to change again, but I knew, based on my progress of my independence so far, I could handle it.

After watching the meteor shower, we were all exhausted. We walked up the backstairs from wince we came. My parents walked into my room to go to sleep and I began to pull out the couch to sleep on.

As I did so, I noticed a newly strewn trail of golden glitter running throughout the apartment. I did not know where it was from, but I did know that this day had been filled with surprises.

It was a crazy and unexpected outcome for a day, but it contained many moments that would be savored forever, like little hidden jewels.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Not planned

The day started with a bang!

My eyes popped open and I jumped up out of bed. My alarm read 7:42. I ran to my dresser and grabbed a shirt and a scarf while hopping around, trying to pull up my jeans and put on my "fashionable"combat boots.

I ran into the kitchen while throwing my hair up into a messy bun, surveying the mess that Jackie just created. It wasn't as bad as it could have been...there were only a few books scattered across the floor and a table knocked over.

 She stood next to the mess smiling and proud. I grabbed my old bag that also served as my backpack and stuffed in my neuroscience book. It was practically tearing at the seams but I refused to get a new one.

 Maybe it is because I am spending all my money on medical school...or maybe it is because I am a stubborn creature of habit and refuse for my life not to go as planned, but my day is not going as planned.

I dumped some of the coffee from the pot into an orange coffee mug from the shop down the street. I still can't remember its name...I'll remember when I start to acclimate to this new town.

 I ended up spilling some of the coffee on the floor and on my arm, but it didn't matter, it was lukewarm anyway. I looked over at Jackie as she stood beaming at her mess. I ran to the bag of half priced dog food and scraped the last few cups out, throwing them somewhere in the direction of her bowl and hoping it would make her tantrum subside.

Grabbing my keys and my phone next to the knocked over table, I ran out the door, scrabbling to get the key into the lock. Sprinting down the hall towards the elevator, jabbing the button a few times, maybe slightly more aggressive than necessary...after tapping my foot a few times with impatience I looked at my phone.

 It was 8:03. I had 27 minutes to get to class. I ran to the stairs and practically fell down the five flights to the lobby of the building. I knew I looked like a ridiculous mess with coffee flying everywhere but at this point, I didn't care.

I saw the bus go by and chased it for two blocks until in came to a stop. I hopped on, sighing with relief. I knew going to medical school would be difficult, but I was going to prove to my parents that I was capable of the workload as well as living on my own in a new city.

Out of habit, I felt for my necklace. It was a small locket my grandmother gave me. Though there was nothing inside of it, it was still a reminder that my grandmother supported me, even if my parents didn't. It was my greatest source of comfort.

I placed it back under my scarf and waited  four more stops until I heard "Daymar University and Medical School"over the bus speakerphone. Glancing at my phone it was 8:23. I could make it. I rushed out of the bus and dashed down the street.

At the corner of St. Charles Ave. and Gold Maple St., I saw the sign "Daymar University's Medical School". As I approached the building, I began rummaging through my worn out bag and pulled out my wallet.

I heard the beep as I swiped my card through the scanner and heard the click of the door. I ran to the elevator and slipped in just as the doors were closing. Glancing at my phone again, it was 8:27. I could not be still in the elevator.

Waiting for each beep as I approached my floor was agonizing. When I finally reached my floor for class, I ran out of the elevator and down to the end of the hall. In the corner room, there was a small plaque next to the door reading "Neuroscience-Professor Krenshaw".

I walked in casually and took a seat. The clock on the left wall of the room read 8:29. I released a stream of air and began to pull out my textbook, pencils and notes. The class lasted two and a half hours.

After extensive notes along with the questioning of each student, Professor Krenshaw dismissed the class. I walked down the hall from whence I came and calmly climbed onto the elevator. After leaving the Medical building, I proceeded to the bus stop and headed back to my apartment. After sitting on the bus for a few minutes my stomach began to growl.

I considered going to a restaurant in town but I was too exhausted from the lecture. I got off a few stops later near my Dreamwood terrace apartment in a tired trance. Somehow I make it back up to my apartment and unlock the door. Jackie comes to greet me, but I barely notice.

I drop my bag and keys near the still fallen table and stumble into my bedroom. Falling on the bed I sleep until I am woken at about 5:30 by the sound of my phone alarm.

 Another reminder to get Jackie more food. This time I actually have to wake up and buy the food because the remains of her food were gobbled up hours ago from the floor.

Slowly, I get up and find my phone, keys and bag where I left them. Leaving my neuroscience textbook in my apartment, I put a leash on Jackie and sling my bag onto my shoulder. I lead her down the stairs and out the back door so that no one sees her.

 If anyone does, I'll be evicted. We walk to the pet store down the street and purchase her food. Walking back to the apartment, I realize I have not eaten today. I sneak back upstairs with Jackie.

Do not underestimate the difficulty of this task. We arrive safely in our apartment in just enough time. Another neighbor opens the door just as Jackie races inside the apartment. I shut the door quickly and begin to make dinner.

 As I am cooking the noodles, the lights shut off along with the stove and my hope of a warm meal. I open the fridge and find an old sandwich to eat. I sit down on the couch in my makeshift living room and think about the day.

Though it was not the best I'd ever had, I proved that I can maneuver my way in a big city as well as take care of myself. Sitting on the small couch with Jackie and my old sandwich, I don't wish to be anywhere else.